• I think I'm finally going to tell my parents about my depression. I didn't want to tell them until some certain things were sorted out and now that I'm headed on a good path with that, I feel they'll listen. I don't want to see a counselor. I don't want to be on meds. I talked to a close friend who is older than I am and he gave me some good suggestions to help balance my chemicals. I need it. I've been trying to pray it away for far to long. I think I'm going to stop smoking too. I've been coughing a lot lately and I really don't want to fuck up my voice if I am to get in the new band I'm pursuing. I have four left I think and once I'm done, I'm going to try to keep it that way. No more heavy chain smoking for this cowboy. God, I feel like I've been holding my breath and I can finally let it out. I'm much more optimistic. I'm still sad that one door of my life is officially closed but I'm excited to open the next one. The Tallest Man On Earth's album "The Wild Hunt" has been amazing to me lately. For some reason it had been speaking to me so powerfully. I'm excited for the future. A little nervous/weary but I'm trying not to be pessimistic anymore. I've decided I'm really only to confide in my family and one other person from now on. That's all I need to do anyway. They always look out for me and have my best interest at heart. I had a good day/night. It was stressful and my mind raced a lot but it was different. I'm still sore from past wounds but it's a different kind of "pain". It's a heaviness that I can see being lifted. It's a sadness that I know will pass in no time. It's an excitement that I am yearning for. I'm not completely content with where I am. Not in the slightest but I'm very hopeful and I'm keeping my chin up. This is good. Deep, clean, crisp, breaths. No more smog. No more soot. Okay... maybe a couple more.

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