• "this is me trying to live my life by your standards, your god awful standards; they wear me down..." so, my lovely introductions from a day to remember and nevershoutnever kinda set a certain tone for this note. YEAH another rant. as most all my journal entries are. but idgaf, its therapeutic and i finally get out what im too big of a pussy to say. lets start this from the beginning... it all started in seventh grade.. MY LOVE FOR MUSIC (see previous note) as if i wasnt already a huge outcast, it looks like i gave everyone i knew just another reason to hate on me. hate me cuz im not a carbon copy, cuz im different and think for myself. so yeah, story of my life right there ^ although i was surprised my parents were so accepting of me. it took some warming up though. when i was a little junior high kid and i discovered eye liner and thought i was just so badass with racoon eyes, my folks werent too thrilled with that. but after a while, everything grew on them. my mom asked me to burn her copies of cds by the maine, a rocket to the moon, boys like girls, and paramore. she wanted to come with me when i went to go see boys like girls w/ cobra starship, the maine, a rocket to the moon, and versaemerge. we had so much fun, and i got to meet martin johnson! my parents let me buy all my clothes (band shirts, ha) off the internet and dont judge me for being an obsessive stalker just cuz i know every band members full name age and birthday of the bands i love, and the meaning and storylines behind all their songs. theyve always shown me support in everything that i do, but at the same time i feel that they dont take my passion seriously. after giving up on guitar and piana and singing, i decided ill never be in a band haha. but what i do want to be - a music journalist. i wanna be a writer for a music magazine, like AP for example. i havent rlly talked at all to my parents about this but i dont think theyd care. but for the love of God i dont think i can continue highschool the way things are. if i get one more snide remark or "that look" from a classmate, im knockin their damn teeth out. its bad enough as is, not to mention i have zero in musical-common with my friends. theres seven of us. nine technicaly but we dont like the other two, and they dont like us, they just have no one else to hang out with or eat lunch with i guess? fuck it, not goin there. anywhere, my two closest friends listen to freakin nickelback, taylor swift, and styx. god help me, as if i wasnt already concernce about the growing distance resulting in hardly any face time due to school sports and scheduling conflicts. theres only one friend who likes, let alone has even heard of, the same music i like. idk what im getting at. just another girl who has to find something to complain about i suppose most think. but i just dont get what makes me so fucking unacceptable? in my world, you people are stupid little fuckers that get F's and D's except when you cheat, are average at sports, and like to drink and watch will ferrel movies. where as i "waste my time" gracing my ears with beautiful poetry. FUCK IT ALL i'll do whatever the hell i damn well please i will be a merch chick and travel the counrty with a band selling slightly overpriced yet undoubtedly awesome shit to young starryeyed fans at each and every concert. maybe i'll be the next tiffany mink, and be the ever infamous warped tour pit reporter. a writer for AP? fuck, maybe i'll be like jac vanek and design clothes and accessories loved by everyone who is anyone in the music scene. ha, who gives a shit, i just know that my life's purpose was meant to involve music

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