• when i feel like nothing, i always start writing i think its just a way fro me to prove that if i dig deep enough, scrape the residue off all the clogged pipes and vessels i will see there is still something left inside of me that isnt tarnished beyond repair lonely, lost, and empty three words in a row i do not know how to fill my time i do not know how to connect to other people sometimes ill wake up early and just lay there for anpther hour because even that feels more useful than just watching tv i want to switch to a dymnaxian sleep cycle, which is only 2 hours of sleep a day that means there are 22 hours i need to inhale there is a part of me that believes that if i just binge on floating time eventually my heart will crack enough to find something with meaning i want to want to be with other people i want to want to be good and kind and heroic because all i want is for everything to fade away i want to bleed out everything i have ever been taught there is no meaning, no purpose, no culture we are all masks of insignificance begging for others to care when faced with my own mortality, i wonder who will miss me see, it is not myself i care about it is only the fear i have made no impact on all thats left behind

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