• I would like to start with a quote i still remember from a book I once read in middle school "In the course of a lifetime, what will it matter?" and if you think about it take all the events of your life combined into the tiny microscopic drop you are on this planet almost nothing is significant i am not saying this is something i live by I too am a failure at true nihilism I freak out over math tests I cry when people hurt my feelings I bruise as easily as any apple on a tree but every so often i have moments of clarity when i am incredibly conscious of the smallness of my existence its only an english project only a grade on a paper at a place i am leaving forever so i went into it ready to follow directions she drafted the script of a five minute highschool experience and i nodded my head "great" i said "this is totally absurd" even though in my head i knew it was ordinary, even though the part of me that still cared wanted to scream "you are totally missing the point!" there is keeping the peace and letting yourself be walked all over and i had yet to reach the breaking point of that difference i knew she hated me and the feeling was mutual for four years i had tolerated the ups and downs of a crazy manipulated depression-esque spiral and i was fully sick of it but in the way of most teenage girls, we put on our happy faces the cutting comments were said only to my friends and repeated later on "She thinks you're disgusting, lazy, ugly, stupid" and as much as i could not care or pretend to not care, eventually the combined force of all those little worded blades broke the skin and i felt enough was just enough one thing i have learned in growing up is that getting angry at other people for how they choose to live is a waste of time people don't change for four years i watched as my friends loved and hated each other all in the same rooms and places and for four years i was the voice of everything

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