• I’m so sick of the noise. Wellie has been banished to the bedroom and he will not stop running his feet along the iron. The dogs whimpering. That bloody alarm. The scuffing sound of her uggboots. The violence in all their actions. In this place, there is no way of hiding, no privacy from their arguments, and the noise, the noise. Lately it has been unbearable. I crave silence, but even in silence there is that ringing. It’s so bad now. So loud. My ears are killing me, always. Music one of my favourite things, and I know that I’m taking it away from myself but I have to have my ipod loudish, otherwise I can’t hear it for the ringing. It’s a vicious circle, starting with my metal phase so many years ago, when I first started being angry at the world. I cranked those tunes so loud to block it out, and now, I’m paying for it. I hate how we think we are invincible, or that what we do today on’t matter because we’ll be gone in a few years. How wrong we are when we believe in that. We are such fragile broken things, living out our lives withering slowly one day at a time. The world is breaking. We are broken. I cut the other night, the first time in so long. Not deep though, twenty times. The satisfaction of seeing the blood roll over my side and onto the sheets. I guess, I really didn’t have to. But I decided to, I wanted to, and I was so worked up that nothing else seemed that it would work to put me down. As soon as I put that blade to my skin the adrenalin began to kick in, and I was calm, I stopped shaking. I hurt, and bled and I still worried but it was easier. I don’t know why. Just is that way. It was lovely being with you today, by the way dearest. Our ‘walk’ lying on my bed, being sneaky behind the art book (; I wish you hadn’t had to leave. I’m alone now. Stuck in this fucking hell hole. anndd i feel horrible. so huge and fat and disgusting >__

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