• its almost 2:30. I cant sleep attempting to create another messy essay, that i am in turn unsatisfied with. 3 more weeks! its insane. 3 more fucking weeks... I am infatuated with him, and i only have about 4 weeks with him. until hes off to yukon ukraine. i had a chance and i missed it only to be enveloped in depression for a few months, 15 months with the other who has now lived for 18 years for 2 hours and 27 minutes. and its very on and off, I'm a switch with him, its an effort to be happy, but its worth it, to watch him glow at my smile is worth it. but on my own i am happiest, I can not wait a minute longer until I'm on that east coast, with pounding rain on my face. New people, new relationships, no reputation, no shitty friends. alone again, naturally... in the happiest alone i have ever been.

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