• so the other day i joined SongMeanings, its a pretty awesome site. Who knew there would be a site where everyone can talk about how they feel about their music, how they feel music. Since i couldn't write a journal the other day, due to Journalism, I'm catching up today. A lil bit about me? I'm a director to be, and am currently working on something. I have a small crew with my friends, my friend Richard who is my leading actor, and Matthew, my cameraman. I have the vision perfectly in my head, but... these weeks have been really weird for me. I feel inadequate to the world...cliche as that may be. I have been very, "overthinkitive" about things lately, it seems to be affecting me, and everyone around me. I don't think that they would care much though, i mean, its just one person,, what one person compared to the entire world right? i can't stand myself either. I feel like, i can never be happy no matter how i try. Last week, part of my crazy three weeks I've been going through, it was around 12 AMish, and I'm walking home. All my friends were busy with their doings and i felt a sadness, not the regular sadness from the last 3 weeks, but something deeper, i felt it, its that feeling you get, the emptiness in your chest after you think of a very old memory, a memory you can't seem to forget, one that haunts you with its happiness. I left their house like a spirit, like, i was invisible. Walking home is easy for me usually, but this week, was different. As i reached the long, straight path from the corner of a stop sign to my community's gate, i start thinking these memories. It fills me with pain and regret, and sorrow. Half way through the walk, i just collapse on the floor. I'm still conscious, I'm just....on the floor. I sit there, thinking, and thinking. I'm on the floor and i feel a tear from my left eye. I closed my eyes, and woke up 10 minutes later, and continued my walk. This part of the sidewalk is always vacant, so it didn't feel like i was in danger. I finally make it home at 1ish, and fall on my bed, thinking those same thoughts i thought 10 minutes ago.

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