• i keep my eyes shut. or are they open? they are closed to whether there were blankets on the top. or not. a few things you should know about me. like how i hate the word powder, and the smell of fruity things. it often brings headaches. and your smells bring heartaches. and i get excited when im driving by myself. when i think of bunkbeds nothing comes. but when i think of bunkbeds i never wanted anything to come. small enough not to touch the smoke stained ceilings. and now the boys they hold my hand. and they make smart jokes. and the hoax its all on them. its all on me. it was always on me. act without thinking. think before doing. never do. do make say think. mogwai. and cody. and nick drake. all of this is true. do you know? what it does to me. because i dont. whats the worst thing that has ever happened to you? is it bad if you cant afford to choose. your mind wont allow to pick. and choose. they are all bad. sad. im glad you came. i am fucking sick. and i need a bottle. give me a fucking bottle. and the only message i get is the amount of this. and the amount of that. and the amount of myself. what keeps you up at night? i am not up at night. my height was never recorded then. i never grew. sold my soul to the devil at age 6. its not something we cant fix. but there are no garantees in this life. so you take the sharpest kitchen knife and put a price on yourself. and if something has a price. nothing has value. and you slide off the bed as you stuff your mothers shoe. it doesnt fit but you never had a clue. when willl this fucking world wake up? we dont need clothes and rings. fundemental valueless things. we need scarves from the goodwill. book that make the brain nerves sting. senitmental. valuable things. and i promise this time ill be wide awake when the phone rings. and absolute drink. for absolute beginners. and the things you will tear up are the things that i write down. and the tv says theres bad things happening over there. but my brain says i am too young. but too old. so i just worry about whats happening over here. and everyones losing their job. or getting hired. to get fired. to get hired again to sell their life again. for minimum wage an hour. and did i tell you hate bunk beds. and this is why im so fucked up. and you fucked me up. and did i ever tell you what happened. i was just preparing myself for the wonderful future. old enough now to keep my mouth shut. brought you back a souvenier. just wanted to say fuck you. im glad you were never here.

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