• just got back from family vacation in the bahamas not to sound ungreatful, but im glad to be home its not that it was awful, it just wasnt great too much time in one cramped hotel room too many $10 pina coladas and $400 dinners when i pay attention to it, i get a little ashamed of my own greed i could save a starving child with the cost of my apetizer and yet im too lazy to volunteer at a soup kitchen see,i only get to the feel guilty stage it never gets to the point where i actually get up and do something the past three nights i dreamed about chirs and its starting to freak me out i think its because im so obsessed with leaving, getting out and starting over that chill of the need for closure crawls over me and i start holding imaginary conversations in my head this time, i have nothing to ask i only want to explain, from the perspective one year later say: "I know i was immature and i was trying to make you fill a role you never wanted. But god damnit, i fucking cared. and i really hope you turn out okay" just simple declaration i try to make myself promise this will happen, but im so scared and lonely ill keep wishing on it though perhaps thats good enough

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