• Religion is hopeless to me. Everybody is a hypocrite and I see through their masks. They tell me how much I've sinned and they point their fingers, but they should be more concerned about themselves. I have never met someone from the church that truely loves with their heart and accepts everyone for being the way God made them. Everybody wants to fix me. They tell me I should be looking for God. They say I need to pray, to repent, to change. But I don't want to change. I almost like the way I am. I'm comfortable with myself this way. I'm almost happy. And what part did God have in that? I don't mean to sound bitter, I still love God, I think. It's just that I"m not sure if he abandoned me or if I abandoned him. Who cares? I know he's there if I want him, so I guess that meas I abandoned him. Well I can always go back if I get scared. Once again, I have pushed away someone I let in. I'm really no good at relationships. With God, with guys, with girls, it's all the same. They don't last. They're great for a few months, then things kinda fall apart and I don't want to be left again, so I leave them before they can leave me. Damn. Well that's what they made therapy for right?

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