• All I do is sit here. Can't sleep. Can't eat. I take those pills at the same time every night. Why do they have to love me? Now it has to end, for I can't love them back. It's become like routine, pushing them away. What if they leave me again? Another grave, a back turned, a promise broken. They said they'd always be there for me, they said "call me when you get your shit together." They called me crazy. And they tell me to love? No thanks. Love is not worth it. Love is not forever. Is anything worth it? And if love isn't forever, what is? People certainly aren't, I learned that one out the hard way. Friends can't be, they left one too many times. Is God forever? Has he left me? Or have I left him? Do I even remember what it feels like to pray? I used to pray for them. To heal. To listen. To stay. It's my fault anyway. I push them away. I won't stop. So I won't love. I'll take a breath, Shed a tear, Pop another, Cut deeper. The holes that they left will be filled by the gohsts of past relationships and the memory of a time when I knew happiness. But happiness isn't forever. And this sickness is a plague

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