• i am so fascinated with the notion of closure never once in my memory have i left behind a place or person with a feeling of tenderness and satisfaction when i leave, its usually because i feel i have to i am i shimmer and shine kind of girl one minute, i fill a room so bright its mostly blinding and in the next i am leaving through the window I think the reason i speak aloud to myself is to figure out what sounds real before i write things down, i want to make sure i mean them "I miss everything in my life I have ever lost" there, whispered outside the gym on a tuesday night that right there is truth i feel so afraid to talk about chris because once i start, i know it will be a waterall a deluge,a breakdown, a purging of worded feeling but i need to so i can justify everything so you can all see how greedy and helpless i am "look at her, she has the world...a beautiful boy who truly loves her and all she wants is fucking closure" bummer what a waste of human energy potential but thats what it is folks looks like we have another sad sweetheat on our hands that thing i said before, about wanting closure? well that's really a lie closure is just a pretty sane words for what i want what i want is absolution, a reward, an understanding i want chris to tell me he cared, past tense no no, too much too fast i need to mull this one over longer this secret is not stable enough to share

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