• It's been too long again Too many hours talking to myself on lonely car rides, monologues of my life draped in the grandour of an imaginary audience I live with this artificial notion that i am beautifulspecialintelligentfabulous because im terrified of being ordinary i decided that spring will be my time to start living already with the sun coming out, i can taste my hope again i am happy, really and truly happy there is less locked inside me, more air in my shoulders I have room to breathe i am leaving next year, and that thought is so freeing i can make so many mistakes to not face down i can break free of the structure, the rules, the schedule and work on how to smile i went to the gym today, first time since the summer it was fine, because i said it would be easy fake hug, exchanges of words i have forgotten the hurt, my own stupidity mixed cds and summer, backhandsprings and bedrooms i am a grown up version of someone who cared, past tense and i just fucking smiled, left once again, without even saying goodbye

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