It's been too long again
Too many hours talking to myself on lonely car rides,
monologues of my life draped in the grandour of an imaginary audience
I live with this artificial notion that i am beautifulspecialintelligentfabulous
because im terrified of being ordinary
i decided that spring will be my time to start living
already with the sun coming out, i can taste my hope again
i am happy, really and truly happy
there is less locked inside me, more air in my shoulders
I have room to breathe
i am leaving next year, and that thought is so freeing
i can make so many mistakes to not face down
i can break free of the structure, the rules, the schedule
and work on how to smile
i went to the gym today, first time since the summer
it was fine, because i said it would be
easy fake hug, exchanges of words
i have forgotten the hurt, my own stupidity
mixed cds and summer, backhandsprings and bedrooms
i am a grown up version of someone who cared, past tense
and i just fucking smiled, left once again,
without even saying goodbye
erring on the edge of safe
- March 17, 2010
- serenity23
- No Comments
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