• haven't been writing again haven't been doing anything, anything worthwhile atleast more tv more movies more hours at work, staring out into space feeling the pounding weight of me digging into my feet pain is nothing pain is all relative human capicity for suffering i am only a vessel for everyone else's projections i spent most of my vacation in virginia with him everything seemed boring, so lackluster at first i complained but then i stopped i remembered to stop expecting i remembered how safe it felt to be held and helped and believed in i do love him to tears, i really truly do but somewhere deep in my head i know we will both be broken hearted i miss music i miss writing i miss gymnastics i miss innocence i miss everything and everyone i used to be, but i'm not going to do anything about it next year is coming fast time to start rebuilding

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