• I just had a nice reminder of how bad my anxiety gets... even over stuff so little. like just then. I went on facebook, went to L's profile, she changed her default. I freaked the fuck out. my heart was pounding like a drum, it was sinking deeper into what I used to feel everyday of year nine. but worse... it was like year nine and C, mixed into one in a second flat. it did not feel good. so I txt her asking, feeling like a bit of a twat and of course there was nothing wrong but for some reason I still felt revolting like I was going to vomit all over the people surounding me... the headaches still there, anxiety pains in my stomach kind of fading as I listen to our playlist. and now I'm fucking terrified of what will happen when something bad does happen and I know it's happened. I'm going to feel like complete utter shit for a very long time. fuck. ugh! I just completely forgot what that pain feels like, now I just feel apathetic lime in my dream last night I could cut away just for the hell of it. and that, is not who I am, it's who I was. I don't want to be the person I was, I like the new me. so I'm freaking out a little bit. music will help, music will help, music will help, I'm a stupid idiot for loving you. but if love is stupid then I stupid you.

• so sorry

  
  

  ah, not so many days now

  
  

  u feeling better?

  donotresuscitateon January 27, 2010   Link

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