• This will be more to-the-point I sent him a message after about a week and told him that I still liked him and that I wanted to know if I was just wasting my time. He said, "you're wasting your time" and that was it- a clean cut. And finally, for the first time in a while, I was getting exactly what I asked for without loopholes of any kind. There was no hook to keep me waiting. No smile added to keep me running home every night. There was nothing at all.

  I wonder about all those nice things he said though. Were they not the truth? Or is it just easier to think of everything as a lie rather than to accept that it ended normally as all things do? Also, who decides what love is and what isn't? I've seen people throw the word around and I've seen people keep it locked up. Sometimes, the young teenagers who are made fun of for thinking they are in love, they get married. And often, the adults who we revere for actually being in love, they get divorced.

  I don't think God decides things like this, actually. He doesn't seem to meddle in our love affairs, opting rather to let us handle them ourselves. I don't blame Him at all because they are very messy. Do we decide what love is, then? I know there are many different types of love, but do we decide? I think the only love that God tries to sway is the biological love between parents and their children. Even this, I think, is a struggle after a while.

  Maybe I'm just too used to being forgiven because of how pathetic I look when I say, "I'm so, so sorry." I don't think I was in love with him. However, I do think I compromised way too much for nothing at all.

  I'm happy right now. In a turbulent way, but it's there all the same.

  Neuroticism be damned and insecurity sent to Death Row. We have no need for anything but joy.

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