• people like me. it's true. and it's weird. i've gained a fucking fan base. but i'm a little cold. and it's keeping them fans and not friends. there is a difference... but i don't really know which is better. i'm stretching my ears. i've got them up to 10 gauge right now. i think i want to go to 00g. because let's face it. there's nothing more fashionable than a little rebellious self-mutilation. am i right? haha that's so fucking lame. but those parties... those parties proved it. i am officially worthy. of affection, of attention. of actually being seen and not just seen through. because they fucking loved me. and that felt good. i'm not even kidding. i was adored at those things. and it's still going strong. people still fucking love me. they're still making contact. how bizarre. but it's pretty welcome. i really don't mind it when people find me entertaining enough to keep around for a bit. i got fucking drunk by the way. and i couldn't stop smoking. and i couldn't stop being the fucking shit. i'm almost in a good place. almost almost there. fuck you rob. i could be happy right now. if you only had the balls to tell me the truth about why you dumped me. because let's be honest. the reasons you gave me were complete shit. i mean people fucking adore me, it's your loss. i do not want you back and i do not want to be your friend. i just really want to know what happened. the real reasons. and it's really too bad i've got too much pride to ask you.

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