• hmmm today is january first and another year has gone. weird that we celebrate the earth making one complete revolution around the sun whats the big fucking deal thats what its meant to do. but really no one even thinks of that when they celebrate theyre too busy getting drunk and high and partying it up bringing in the new year. its just another excuse to party and for people to get wasted and for it to be socially acceptable. really though new years eve is the most anti climatic night ever. there is so much build up for this night an if youre sober then its really not a big deal. and i am sober becaause im just so sick of getting drunk and high and watching the people around me do it i mean seriously can we grow up its pointless so just give it a break and stop it and get over yourself. but w.e to each their own and if thats how they wanna fuck their life up then i dont care its really none of my business. another year has gone by and nothing has changed. i feel the same as i did last year. no resolutions this year bcause i know i wont follow them. just cant wait for the next three and a half years to go by so fast so that i can get out of this fucking town and leave these fucking kids to their fucking games of nothingness and wasting their life. im ready to grow up and get on with it i dont wanna keep going through high school its so dumb and not worth my time. and everyone was out partying last night i decided to stay home because i dont give a shit about partying or the people who are partying. theyre all so caught up in their own little fantasy worlds that encompass them and the next party that they dont see the big picture or anyone else that isnt in their immediate "perfectly popular" group of friends. and obviously im not there nor do i want to be i know its not the place for me. so they were partying and i was stuck at home and i was happy and they were happy but then why do i feel so much regret and jealousy but then i dont feel it at the same time. god all i want is just one person who is always there. i guess this is all his fault if he could have just stuck around then maybe things would have been different but i guess i will never know and that is that and there is no changing it so i need to get over it but its so hard because for one i got my hopes up and then they just crashed and burned right at my feet. well i guess ill just give up and go through this never knowing and trying not to care. even though i do and i will always know i do. maybe it will be different someday that has always been my hope. i just wish he would notice me ONE fucking time and give a wave or a head nod or smile or SOMETHING i just cant stand that i am invisible to him like how is the even possible ?! wish i had some snarky comment to make at him but i dont. so i guess i just give up another year wasted and another year to waste coming up. a cycle of life is what its called.

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