i can't believe i'm so happy right now.
everything feels so good, so right, so perfect.
it's like i'd forgotten i'm not really a person. i'm some other creature that isn't meant to be held onto. i can settle down for awhile, but then i have to leave. i need to make a break and leave.
because for what felt like forever, i couldn't breathe.
he left me. and i never believed people when they said it would hurt. but it did hurt. it hurt so bad i couldn't even deal with it. i needed to drug myself every day just to stop from crying.
i was so fucking weak. i never cry, i never feel. but it hurt.
and now i realize that's okay. i needed the catharsis.
and now i'm over it.
like it never happened. it's wierd. i think about him and i feel nothing anymore.
and that's good.
except i keep dreaming that he wants me back. but now i know that if that does come true, i have the power to protect myself.
i mean, i would go back. but only if he proved that it was worth it. because i am not the type of person that somebody can break and then keep. it can't happen. it can never happen again.
but yes. i feel good. i feel at peace now.
because i'm starting to remember that i'm a coveted object. people still want me. and they're lining up for a shot and it makes me feel so much better.
so i'm finally back to happy. and i really hope it stays that way.
i see hope in these new prospects. that's for sure.
024. yeah i want it, but no i don't need it.
- December 27, 2009
- fakeblood.
- No Comments
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