• It's so easy to blame the town you live in for all of your lost hopes and dreams and shortcomings everyone complains about being here, about how excited they are too jet off into the big wide world where there's more to worry about than cops at parties and running into your ex best friend at the grocery store people as a whole just amaze me we make these connections-a best friend, a love, a secret accidently shared and with little to no effort such closeness can smudge away to faded nothing I never stalk people on fb, but her profile caught my eye Cori Cori Garber so i clicked and i saw a pretty girl in red dresses dancing drunk, the bell of the ball at the party only the best were invited to and for a second i was so proud of her, for how much she'd grown up and become a real person, even though i'd seen her from behind a cloud of dust i had never seen her like that, in a world i was not a part of, in an alternate universe where she smiled and wore dark eye makeup and kissed boys At school, she doesn't talk she was my best friend freshman year, the first one who knew everything about matt, and i loved her becuase she believed all my lies I haven't thought about her in so long, even though i see her everyday i taught her what a blow job was. she tried to teach me how to sneeze more quietly We are in the same english class. even if we were the only two people passing through the hallway, we wouldn't wave. probably not even at the grocery store I used to wait for her outside the bathroom in gym. We were champions at badmitten I find it amazing that she has grown up, moved on she was so innocent, so perfect, just like every other freshman i don't know what i thought happened to her I guess i subconsciously imagined that she had stayed stuck in her world of holding in sneezes but to see her like that, exploding in pictures, well i missed her we were close she was such a sweet girl and all of a sudden everything caved in i am so proud of myself for not just giving up and going to sleep terrified, because i know this was important I am not crying for Cori Garber I am crying for the death of who i used to be Instead of growing up, I have differentiated I have killed off every shred of that innocent little girl, including all the good ones there are so many casualties, so many names, so many people i forgot to thank I wish i could get it back I wish that i was brave enough tomorow after english to say, hey cori can i talk to you? and ask if she remembers mocha chip ice cream In my perfect world, when i did this she would laugh and say she did In the real one she would lie and tell all her beautiful new friends how fucking weird i am we worked ona science project together sophmore year, even after everybody else had disowned me we got along great, just like freshman year she asked me for help on an english paper once i think she even called I don't know why I'm doing this, reminicig I think it's because if i can remember it well enough to write down, there;s still hope for something not with cori really, but for everyone i've ever loved and have ceased to see in my life i want to learn how to stop the sliping can you convince people to hang on for your sake, even if they have found a brighter start to shoot for? I'm really not sure I wonder if anyone has ever looked around and seen me missing probably not but there's always that maybe

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