• Absorbing everyone else is a way to pass the time when i am stuck inside with miles of snow and everything else, every path to friendship and wholeness feels so closed off it's so easy to sit for hours and hours under the iunfluence of powder white adderall as an empty shell just begging to be tainted with other people's words and wisdom i found a website today about finding life's purpose it was for people who want their lives to be amazing, and just for a few hours i pretended I fell precisely into that category i read about luicid dreaming and LSD and learning how to love i want to say i'll apply it all to my life change everything from the ideas in just a few articles but i can't the mainstream is all i know even the tiniest breaks are too much too handle i care about what strangers think of me i still cry when they tell me i'm not good enough i still vow to change just to make everyone happy I'm sick of aquiesing I'm sick of inexistence If I could be anything, I would be a sparkling droplet of light a dancing rainbow, bluegreenperiwinkle, a twist and twirl of colored in smiles People would just know as they walked by, they would look and say "wow that girl must be something special" I would radiate, emulate it, change the world for everyone who wanted closure bracelets on my wrists, up to the elbows, and they would always jingle like perfect chimes, my very own soundtrack The clothes i wore would be a mystery of layers and skin, not sexy but beautiful so nobod could even fantasize about breaking my heart And most of all, I would smile and light up the whole room, and everyone would come close so i could protect them, protect them all from the hurt and hate and boredom and everything else in the world that just plain gets to me they say that visualization is half the battle if you believe it, you will recieve it so maybe in a few years, i can live to be incredible and for now i'll work on embodying me

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