• matt's here and i haven't been writing i appologize dear future me, when you go back and re-read this, see the gaps in entry times getting greater and greater, please don't hate me i kind of feel like i'm losing my mind we woke up together this morning, too late and frantic, a bundle of covers my sister and parents were pissed, but i made it fine i threw on my clothing, makeup done so quickly and he still told me i looked beautiful I love the car rides, the hands on my knee, but sometimes i get the feeling that my life is just based off all i've seen in the movies i feel so ordinary it disgusts me at school the other day, we were talking about a story that we read, about this kid who dies by running through a glass door that image of clear splinters twisting in with the red cuts has been stuck in my head ever since "he wanted his life to be amazing" that line caught me too, and it's still tumbling along in my brain he wanted his life to be amazing it sounds so promising, so wide and vast and beautiful but i don't know if i can really claim that for myself i am far too terrified to genuinely want my life to be anything apeciaL

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