• well its december and things arent looking any brighter. high school is no big shakes. i had all these great expectations that are just completely unattainable though they shouldnt be. it shouldnt be this hard to make new friends or meet a guy. of course ive made like 4 new friends and of course ive made new acquaintances to speak to but this is not nearly what i expected or was looking forward to. and yeah ive met guys but theyre entertained for about five minutes and then have already moved on. what the fuck ? ive been sending all the right signals and ive completely stopped being so nymphomaniacish towards them so what the hell is wrong. im a nice attractive smart witty girl everything that should be wanted yet no guy will stick around. theyre more interested in spreading that theyve hooked up with me when HELLO WE NEVER EVEN HUNG OUT YOU JACKASS. seriously are you kidding me you think i wouldnt find out you told people that when we totally did not. and then theres this whole perception that i should be at beck and call. but hello news flash im not a fucking dog. listen you want to be friends with me then goddamn it act like it. heres the thing real friends when they see each other they say hello, outside of school they text each other just to see how everything is and they always respond at some point or another. as well as they dont stand up friends for weeks on end. im not some toy you can pick up and put down whenever you feel like. you cant expect that when its good for you that ill be around no you have to be there when i need you and i will reciprocate and be there for you when you need me. its not a friendship if its whenever its convenient for you to be friends with me. really though what i cant stand is that high school was sooo easy for my sister and its the biggest challenge for me. freaking two months into freshman year she had a fucking junior boyfriend and i cant even get a freshman boy to say hello to me anymore. i feel invisible all the fucking time and i cant take it anymore. am i some defect product that no one wants to be around because thats what it sure is starting to feel like. my rants could last forever and the screaming frustrations pour from lungs at night but its just never enough. theres never enough outlet for all the rage and depression reeking havoc inside my body. so happy that not one ever reads what i have to say. its just the same as being in high school.

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