• Bridges and balloons.
  
  That concept has been destroying my mind for the past few weeks. Bridges and balloons. The pairing of words initially came from the song by Joanna Newsom. That concept of it though, bridges and balloons. They're two things that, in my mind, represent moving on. You cross a bridge and once on the other side, you've left all the nonsense behind you. Balloons are more of a stretch but if you think about it, it's far more permanent than a bridge. You can always walk back to the other side of the bridge but once you let a balloon go, it's gone. Sure, one could argue that the balloon could end up in a tree or some freak thing could happen where it's back in your possession and if that's the case, then it wasn't something you were supposed to let go of. Just think. It seems like steps. The bridge is the baby step in moving on because it's safe. You can always turn back and fall right back into your old ways. With a balloon, it's gone. There is no turning back. Once it's gone it's gone and you just eventually forget about it and move on with your life and find happiness and love and everything turns okay and you don’t ever feel sad and you don’t ever feel worthless and you don’t ever stay up all night and sleep all day in hopes of staying numb instead of feeling pain because you’re sick and goddamn tired of only feeling worthless and sad every fucking day of your waking life. It even penetrates your dreams sometimes. You rarely dream and then when you do, your mind says, “Fuck you!” and doesn’t allow you the decency of a deep, much needed rest. That’s what I’d fill my balloon with. Fuck air. Fuck helium. Fuck everything . My balloon is going to be over flowing with the screams of a lost boy looking to find some peace and sincerity and once it can’t possibly hold anymore, I’ll throw it at the sky in an attempt to make it fly faster. I know that it won’t but I’ll do anything to make it go away. I’d do fucking anything to be able to sleep. I'd do anything to cough up all these words that I've been choking on for so long. I'd do anything to just... breathe.
  
  All I need now is a fucking balloon.
  

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