• for some reason, whenever anyone tells me i am something negative that i don't try, that i'm pessimistic, that i don't quite fit in I just feel the need to prove them right the name they give me becomes a sheild you want bitch, i'll give you bitch you want apathy, i'll put on the show in storytelling today,i got the note "you don't seem too invested in this class-i really hope that changes" and so of course, since i couldn't change, i just made the difference even more blaring i glared off into space while everyone else was laughing i played with my hair, kept my voice so silent, counted down the minutes I think i wanted to hurt her, show she couldn't be the one to "save" me, have that plaque on her imaginary wall I cou;dn't ler her think she understands, that all i neede was a little attention People never realize that i notice everytime i make a mistake there are so few accidents in terms of my growing up they think they are helping, but really it just makes me fight even harder to keep the control when you are 17, you are not even allowed to have principles no matter how much i believe in writing or music, is still have to do my homework even though i know school is not that important, that in ten years i won't even remember the grade i got in ap statistics, i still have to follow the system in a marxist lense, i am the status quo good grades means college means money means happiness just a bunch of simple blended equations and who knows, maybe it works i mean, i'm not even a quarter into the average lifespan maybe eventually, i will find the freedom i keep fighting for maybe on the other end, it all evens out so i'll keep my fingers crossed, keep reading the textbooks because the future is all i have to look forward to

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