im a short fuse burning

  • right now: i can do a harvard system bibliography off by heart, i know all abut the rule or law and presumption of innocence, im flirting with kenny, planning hookups etcetc neenees here, noc school tommorow, city, shopping instead yes! schools almost over, down to the last few assignments, art i ll planned, i just have to paint, im excciteed! :) oh my scales lie. im still huge. last night: My stomach is rumbling, but im not going to eat. I don’t need to. Don’t want to. I feel slightly thin. The gap of skin showing beneath my hoodie looks taught, and in this light stretchmarks are hidden. I know though, if I lift that hoodie, ill see that stomach that I hate so much, but it doesn’t bother me tonight. im in control. my stomach is rumbling, but im not eating. Such power. I wish I didn’t have to eat dinner. Easy to stop eating, I wonder how long I could last? 48 hours last weekend, would have been longer, fuckfairybread (: I wonder if I can get down to fortyeight kilos just by starving? I wonder, if the fat could melt off my legs, would the cellulite disappear too? “to hurt yourself on the outside, to try and kill whats on the inside” watching girl, interrupted for English. Comparison text with cukoos next. fuckmymentalhealth(: I want to cut, this movies a bitch, bitch like me, stupid things that ring too close to home, fuckit, cbf getting the blade, I don’t do that anymore, im not that anymore, but I want it, to be it so much, I miss the blood, the cuts, the panic, daisy’s gauges,ZIG-ZAG,ZIG-ZAG now I want it gone fuck feeling shit, when this movie is done im finished im gone. im sleeping, dreaming, wishing of cutting and starving.
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