• fml. i went to have a drink, and i missed my mouth completley, and poured it straight down my cleavage. i am completley sober (Y) (: sometimes we just have to laugh why am i so tired? i slept, i think. 8/9 hours a night. arghhaghrhrhrgrhhrhr. fuck. maybe its time to go and do some yoga? in the sunshine. i hate waiting for emails you know aren't gonna come. i think, i might make this private. i dont mind people i dont know reading it, coz chances are ill never meet you. but j read it the other day. for some reason i feel violated. i feel like i have to censor what i write. anyway. speaking of j. he had a bit of a go at me last night. went alone the lines of 'i know you dont like me, but dont ignore me" oooppss. and then he went on to tell me he only wanted sex after sayng he thought WE were all good. mmm. there was never a WE. i think thats the problem. but iv never seen him angry. i dont like it. i was lying there. making myself stay so so still, so i wouldnt get up and get a blade. it worked. aand i kinda realised, that if i had cut nothing would have changed. wow. profond. i think thats what they call a breakthrough (: work later. i get lots of $$$$ which is always nice. have to remind myself to put it in the bank. i cant get p outta my head. i dont really know him at all. iv been at school with him for 6 years. and i have two memories of him: one: erin liked him in yr 6. whenn he was the pirate king. mm, i may have had a crush then too >.< two: one day luke fucked me over real bad, and he just held me while i cried. i wonder, how many hours of my life has been spent crying in guys arms? i REALLY dont wanna know. we'll see what friday brings i guess.

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