• ^ and im addcited to this song trouble by nevershoutnever. dat boi is hottttt i want to play that song to e. to let her know how much i love her. my heads a lil everyywhere at the moment. i want to be back at victor. everythings just nicer and sleepier down there. i saw danny yesterday, well the back of hi head. couldnt quite bring myself to actually seee him. was gonna meett up with p. but then i left. hopefully ill see him onfriday. but it maybe awkward, there probs wont be any vodka. he tasted like bubllegum and smoke. best fuckign taste EVER. somehow, i have to tell j i cant do anything anymore. its just not right. the whole, eilidh thing, plus you know when your with people and he whole time your brain is screaming NO! but your bodys going yes? i cant do it anymore. for me, it was just another hookup. but i know he kinda likes me, and that just wont do. looking forward to next week, hopefully see sallyyy. which means beer, and lots of beer. (Y) mm. slightly wierded out i keep on geeting strange/nice/sexual compliments from people id nevr expect, like, gould turned down sex to talk to me (this is a phenomenemn if ya know him) then i was talking to jaydan tonight n he was saying something about how im one of the few girls in the school he'd do, therefore, he'd like to lose his virginity to me. plus lian wrote that song. so maybe people don't hate me? maybe it just hate myself so much i cant see people like me? though, i hate myself so fucking much. i cant look at myself, im covered in stretchmarks and scars and cellulite. its terrrrible. my minds in a complete mess too plus. the whole not eating much/excersing thing. it just makes me tired. and im not feeling any skinnier at all. i know i havnt lost weight. but. i can go to a party, hook up with however many guys, get drunk etc etc, make a fool of myself, and not regret it fuck all this shit

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