• One summer, probably nearly ten years ago (before he became a redneck drunk and I became a snobby intelligentsia), my cousin and I were playing cards and decided to play War, the game that never, ever ends. Only in this case, we changed the rules so that the suits were ranked from highest to lowest and there would never be a draw, spades-hearts-diamonds-clubs. Basically it was stupid because whoever was dealt the ace of spades in the beginning had to win the whole thing eventually, and the game just became a matter of time. "You might be a big fish in a little pond -- it doesn't mean you've won, because along may come a bigger one." Second best, always. But even though the Ace of Spades is out there, who cares? Because I sure haven't met him yet.

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