• i'm trying to conquer but i just dont have the leadership skills to make it happen. and then i had to go and hate my old habits so they came back. i'm so tired and sad that my entire body seems to be feeling double the amount of gravity than usual. i must be assyrian in the way i'm stretching myself so thin. this grave lack of connection has me sitting with a handful of live wires. i'm trying so hard and i'm just failing. it's awful when you study for 3 hours and fail. or when you work 6 hours straight and then get yelled at and then have to go back to work. all the books and movies and songs i have loved mean nothing because they aren't real and never will be. it's always been just me, trying to convince myself that all "real life" needed was a dash of fiction to make it better. it all goes to shit no matter what you do. in the end, we're just compost and history homework for the next generation. listen to tyler durden because "you are not special." i don't have any room for "hitting bottom" this week or next week or the week after. i'll try to see if i can do next month, but no guarantees, OK?

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