have a huge headache right now. just saw someone's journal (thinkpeace)
pretty nice. i'm texting my friends.. whooo hooo i have a life right? yaaaaaa sure.
ever since i found out, i haven't bee feeling much. it's whatever, but i cried a little. it doens't sting, or hurt, or whatever. maybe it's something deep in my heart... i know that we've put too much into it for it to all go down the drain. it's the power of the Holy Spirit, how else could i have not been so broken? i saw my heart protected in glass... but i didn't feel i had my heart. where is it? that's what i want to know. but idk you know...? only time will tell.... it's the ultimate test... until then, i'm gonna live my life. it's confusing though... aren't i supposed to be sad? to be crying? i'm not. but i cried knowing i wouldn't be the one comforting him whenever he needed it. i wanted to be the one who understands him, but i'm not sure if i will ever hold that place. i think he has someone else now for that... but why do i feel like this is all just something i have to face? i remember i prayed to God... i didn't want us to be together until later... that we would end up together, even if it wasn't in the present we would be meant for each other. maybe He has been answering my prayer? yess.... maybe... but everything's all for a greater good. it truly does not feel as if i lost him. that feeling isn't there. maybe he is still here.. but things aren't gonna happen right now. i think maybe he wants me to understand him. i truly am trying, believe me. i just don't know what to say... you might not know, but everything you say is always on repeat in my head. i can't believe how deep you are. i don't know what to say to you. how can i give back to that? intellect is truly a gift. i love your intellectual self, but things aren't meant to happen right now. i'm putting all my faith in Jesus Christ.. the only One who never lets me down.
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