• Okay, thank you GOD that I'm not pregnant. Seriously. Thank You. This thought that I've had for years has been bothering me lately, as I start to see more success in my future: the fear that achieving incredible happiness will result in something inevitably bad happening to destroy it. Strange as it sounds, I've found that I'm not the only person who feels/has felt this way. So what's my reason for this hopefully faulty logic? I see celebrities that I envy and nothing bad enough seems to ever happen to them with their oh-so-scrutinized lives to make me not envy them anymore... so what's my problem? Am I afraid of not reaching this euphoria until I'm too old to be envied by others? And why is being envied by others (especially specific others) so imperative to me... is it because of my need for closure in the way that they've hurt me in the past? And is this more important to me than my love for the art of what I'm doing? I love to dance. And I know I can move in sexy and rhythmic ways. I know that I look good in my dance outfits and can work it. But my lack of confidence in auditioning (even though it has gotten MUCH better over the past six months) seems to make it never happen. I'm a self-taught go-go dancer, hip-hop choreographer and professionally trained ballet dancer from Cleveland. I know that I can do it and I know that I love doing it for what it is. Same with singing, if I could actually sing well enough (I haven't been training in a long time). And definitely the same for modeling- I adore the creativity, art and passion that is so evident in all aspects of that field. But acting- this most challenging and intricate area that I've wanted to do professionally for so long- I KNOW I need to work harder at it if I ever want to be great. I'm excited to hopefully have found a brand that I can really excel and sell myself in- the fierce, wild sex-pot with attitude, guts, and lust. I know I can do this, I just need to figure out what my performance is lacking when it's time to turn off the frizz and the shine. I've been writing a lot lately and doing everything I can to get more inspired. I'm praying for an excellent and star-studded reel that will begin this month and be done in October!

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