• wow yesterday i realized how much i actually miss my friendship with josh...sometimes i will see/hear/think of something really funny that either reminds me of an inside joke i have with him or something that just makes me think of him and i think to myself "omg i have got to tell this to josh!" and then i remember that he isnt have friend anymore. i still have 2 best friends and they are awesome. but talking to them isnt the same as it was talking to josh. he always knew the right thing to say and he always listened. he knew when to make me laugh or when to give me advise. when to be serious or when to be funny. ive never had a friend like that. i mean, he just understands just about everything im going thru with family and stuff so now i have nobody to talk to about it. he texted me this morning and told me that he wants to be friends but he still cant tell me why he was mad. idk if i should be his friend again. i want our friendship back but i dont want it back if he isnt going to be himself. or if he is going to believe rumors about me without even talking to me about it first. idk what to do. i wish that josh would read this journal so he could see exactly what im feeling in words. but i dont think that is going to happen. oh well i guess. maybe there is somebody else out there that can be that great friend to me like he was. but honestly i dont want anyone else. i just want him back. thats just about all i want in life right now...

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