• right when it happens, i need to release I run up here, heartbeat racing, all the words spilling over from my mind to my fingers, too fast, so fast, most of them just end up lost the littlest things set me off, break me up to these shattered fragments i can't sit and study i can't hear the yelling i don't know why, and i can't explain i don't want to be the best i can be i feel better with just okay they offer drugs and i reach instinctively for the lifeline give me adderall, give me prozac i am weak, and sick, and hurt, and scared i don't want to be normal but i'm so so tired i could use a little break, i want a good day i used to think i'd rather be anything but ordianry, but i never realized how strong and independent that meant i had to be the burn out is incredible with every pill controlled action i inflame a little piece of everything i've become or that circumstance has made me it doesn't matter because nothing matters but it's hard to feel like that when you have to live inside the inexistence in theory never works out for real life as much as i let go, i feel the need to reach again i have already found my method of misery leave me to it, i know what i'm doing in a hundred years, no one will even remember my name

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