im trying so hard to not lash out, to be tranquil and subtle when i fight with my mother, especially around my boyfriend. but i lashed out today, and now i dont even know what the fuck is going on.
for one, my mother wont talk to me which, i dont really give a damn about.
but second, now my boyfriend is saying im not the person he thought i was? just because i got mad and lashed out? what the fuck! people get angry, people also get angry for different reasons. people are brought up differently, but that doesnt mean im a bad person. im not made of stone, i have feelings. and sometimes, when people stomp all over them like im some huge dirt clod i get a little angry.
sometimes, i want to grab you by the shirt, and scream at you. tell you how it really feels, tell you that i feel like dying sometimes, and tell you how hard its been lately. sometimes i want to scream at you to help me, to just listen to me and truly understand what makes me tick and why, instead of your interpretation.
but this all comes with time, i guess.
i know youll understand.
i love you, i really do, and i dont feel like im losing you, but i dont think i could handle it if you did.
ive been promised he wouldnt leave me, ive been promised he wouldnt let anybody break my heart again, ive been promised he would love me forever.
and that ended so fast.
dont end this so fast.
dont end this at all.
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