• 23/7/09 Oh shit. I’m pretty sure that I just caught wellie trying to cut himself. Well he was scraping the skin off his leg, but there were cuts, he’d tried, luckily the scissors were blunt and it didn’t break the skin. Shit. He can’t. Why? Parents better not find out. I’ll get killed. I feel so responsible. It’ll be my fault, i'm thinking, where would he get the idea from otherwise? He knows I cut. He’s seen my scars and healing cuts. Dear God, please, don’t let him. Please, I’ll do anything. I haven’t written for a while, I can’t really remember what’s happened. Ben’s given me his old laptop, which means I can now write in peace, and upload stuff later. Victor was fun, but its time has passed. I can tell you though; me and steph went down with some goals: to get wasted, to get guys, to have an adventure. Instead we: • Slept in a tent through zero degree nights • Snuck out late to find the allure of skate parks and train tracks under the moonlight • DNMed. Of hopes, dreams, crappy times • Ate lollies, lollies, brandy to get us through the night, and ate more lollies • Saw Hannah Montana • Steph got a white handbag and a sprinkle donut, I got a party dress and thigh-hi lace stockings • We got hit on by complete dickheads, while on a quest for my missing converse. Pity they were such dickheads, they were so hot. Skaters :D • Got scared, shityourpants paranoia • Vandalized a kid’s playground, coz were that cool • && more Coz yeah were hardcore, then we went back to our stifled lives, byuod by quickly fading memories. Somewhere along the line I saw bruno, and hated it. After at hannahs though made up forit. We watched episode, after episode of skins(3rd season) ate plenty of shit, talked a lotta shit, went for a massive walk etc etc. In skins theres this girl, Emily, shes amazingly hot, and has EXACTLY the same hair as Ellie. Theres this bit where shes hooking up with Naomi. She reminds me so much of Ellie. I want her, so much, to kiss a trail down her neck, her breasts, her stomach. She told me she loved me the other day. It made me so happy. But she doesn’t know ilike her, so at the same time it doesn’t mean anything. She’s still not over batters I don’t think. But im still with Danny, see I still like him too, maybs not as much, but I defiantly wanna fuck him. Haven’t seenhim in like 3 weeks. He shaved his head :s I need $$$$. I want peircings, ears, nipple, nose, tongue. In that order  They found out about me cutting. Not much has happened. I gotta go to some other shrink. Im not gonna lie this time. I want ta get the depression over, I don’t care bout cutting. Im sick of always wanting to die. LATERRR I think wellie’s ok. He seems happier, and I haven’t seen any more scratches or anything. Schools back. Boring as ever, feels like I never left. Luke’s BOs got worse,if that’s possible and schools dug up the oval. Goulde’s back though YAY! I missed him so much. I found these two amazing songs, skinhead moonstomp and rum to whiskey, im a lil bit in awe, theyr that good. Wednesday, I think it was, we went on a art excursion YAY  the two exhibitions we went to were the best iv been to in a long time, fantasia and colliding worlds they were called. Fantasia was all this amzing digital stuff based on photography, one artsist did these amazing photos of famous women, Cleopatra, Marie Antionette etc, and photoshopped all the detail onto them. The other exhibition, colliding worlds was insane. Some of the stuff was kinda ‘normal’, a massive glass sculpture hanging from the ceiling, some oil paintings. But there were these two pieces that just tripped me out, a film, and a series of sculptures.

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