• there is a place in my heart where everything shakes give me the meltdown, give me the meaning tell me what constitutes as a purposeful existence what tasks must i complete, mark off my checklist for me to qualify as an Incredible Persom he left last night, with blue eyes dry and black ones swimming i couldn't help it, those little noises at the back of my throat sorry, i said, as i pulled me in closer it's not goodbye, just see you later a cheesy line from the movies i've only heard about, wouldn't bother to waste $10 on is becoming my defining moment fuck those tears, fuck my heartbeats in a matter of time, i'll find a different tune to sing the entity of love is only as strong as the fuel you give it if you lament the loss, really sit down and absorb all the lonliness, then of course there will be days where the world feels like a day dream but if you just decide that he is gone with the tears, say to yourself, i am stronger than this feeling, the next day you can smile so bright your headache hurts and keep everyone guessing he asked about the entries i promised to give him, but i just couldn't do it i'm not sure if i want him to know how much i hurt and break and rend and bend even if i don't like pretending, ordinariness is easier to leave behind it's never the stupid quotes that get stuck in your head like "a stictch in time" or "early to rise" but the ones that you make up, when you're on the edge of sleep or the ones that he whispered when he thought you weren't listening if he sees this, i'm not scared he won't love me i'm scared he'll change his definition so that he will feel responsible for the damage, and i don't think i can lie and tell him it isn't all his fault i'm leaving for camp for two weeks, no drugs and cigarettes, just good clean fun practice for making friends practice for fitting seemless i think i'm done now because my hands are feeling shaky i wouldn't want them to betray me, type what i really mean because then i'd just have to miss you all over again

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