• So for a second post of the night, I decided to write about absolutely nothing. I am so bored, I have nothing to do but sleep, but I can't until I get Alex's phone call. I need to make sure he's safe. I posted all the pictures of us on myspace and facebook today, just now actually. If you decide you want to look at them, message me and I will friend you on there :) I have this one picture, that we are kissing, and it just makes me realize how much he means to me. Not just the physical stuff, but everything else too. Since I have been with him, I have changed so much. I am more mature, I am 17 and I act it. I have a steady job, and I am good at what I do. He has taught me so many things, like that I am so much better than doing drugs or drinking. He was there today when my dad called, and he knows how I get when he calls me. I didn't know what to say to either of them. But I am comfortable with Alex knowing everything. I made him breakfast this morning, pancakes and bacon. He was holding me the whole time, and thanked me more than imaginable after. We were so full. I don't think I can ever eat food again. I eat so much. I am starting my kick ass diet tomorrow. I am trying to lose as much weight as I can before I meet the family. I have gained since last summer, which sucks cause I was doing so well. But I know I can do it, if I just push a little harder. I think that if I get my license it will be easier because I can go to the gym every day, like I wished I could. I need to get back down to my 7 jeans. Jeez its been a long time since I have been that thin. Hopefully I will be a 7 by the time school starts back up in September. I am going to try so hard. I have a new iPod, so I can use the arm strap while I run. I love running. I love working out. I feel so good after. But most of all, I want to be thinner by the time I go to Wildwood with Alex in August. I want to walk on the beach in my bathing suit and shorts while I hold his hand, and for once in my life not be worried about my appearance, not worried about being a whale. He tells me that I am not, and that I am so beautiful but I don't feel that way. I just want to feel beautiful for once, on my own. I am a tall girl, I am 5'9 and I have a muscly build, like my dad's mom. I am tough and I look it at times. The average weight for my "type" is around 160, and I am over it. Not by too much but by enough. And it sucks. And I hate it. I wish people didn't care so much about looks in this world, everyone would be happy, and people wouldn't go into depression or have eating disorders. Of course, we don't live in a world like that, and we never will. But I can dream. I am not sure why but I feel like this is the post that I am supposed to tell everybody about my life, and what I have gone through, what I am living with, my past and all the nightmares that come with it. But I think that this post is long enough so I will leave all of that for another day. Don't it make you sad to know that life, is more than who we are?

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