• flightless bird, american mouth one of my favorite songs im supposed to be out, swimming at toms house with everyone but i dont feel like moving i had an emotional breakdown at work no, not really a breakdown at least not outwardly it was more of a harsh realization? or maybe an epiphany? only an unpleasant one? im so fucking lethargic i sleep til 1, then lay around sometimes with nick, sometimes alone watching tv and movies in old tshirts and basketball shorts i dont go out til night time and even then i sometimes end up staying in all night holed up in my room with my boyfriend watching tv, eating, sleeping, fucking its my last full summer at home - next summer, i leave for college i should be out with friends fuck, who ARE my friends? i havent seen anyone in so long i see sarah, only because nick and i are best friends with her but i havent seen matty or chole at all this summer and i'm not even friends with amber anymore i havent hung out with the swim kids at all, except for at practices and meets i dont go anywhere i dont do anything i've been to the beach ONCE, when i used to go every single day i dont even know if im going to warped - something i swore i'd never miss where the fuck has my LIFE gone? what the fuck am i DOING with myself? like i said before, i was supposed to be at toms house over an hour ago. i just never got myself off my bed to go instead, i'm here complaining my facial expression has not changed my emotions are flat lining im bored, but too lazy to do anything about it i need to wake the fuck up drag the real me out, go feel the sun on my face go for a run, go for a swim, go for a drive, go see my friends what the fuck have i become?

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