• [Tuesday 9th June] 10:43pm Quoted from Silhouette_x: "bloodshot eyes with a vacant stare to match. Split-ends, messed-up hair, stained and tattered clothes and a down-turned smile. This is what I look like now and I can't face the mirror. My speech is slow, my reactions to the outside world are sluggish and sometimes I close my eyes for longer than a blink should last, just in hopes that something will change. I barely recognize myself and when I do, I don't like what I see. The world seems to be changing and people seem to be living they're lives faster than I'm living mine. It feels as though I'm stuck in time, stuck in a moment that I don't want to be in, and it's just going to continue forever. Nothing will change; this is how it's always going to be. I guess I'm just sad, but nothing seems worth it and sometimes I wish I could drift through nothingness until I feel better." wow this is somewhat close to how life is right now for me too i spose.. i guess i tend to just cover it up with a smile and a laugh around others.. or actually fool myself into smiling and laughing is a better explanation Also from Silhouette_x: "I just want to apologize to myself for ruining my life, my family for letting them down, and my friends for not treating them how I should. Everyone would be so much better off if I just got out of their lives, or they wouldn't care because I'm not sure if I matter to most people anyway." i guess a majority of this i feel the same way, my family in some ways, however i am content if not grateful for my family, i think out of all things i have that is something i have atleast done right.. but yeah the last line is coldly true.. the nights these days are literally getting colder, and so are the days.. its winter alrite.. stuvac now.. meant to be studying but all i can do these days is find something to do to distract myself from the harsh crappy life im living.. nothing seems to be right, except family.. i guess others have it worse than i in respect to that.. atleast i have music to dwell on and listen to endlessly.. she told me she was over the guy she was sweet on.. and i guess i myself am starting to get over as well.. i dont know if i want to, because im starting to miss that feeling, even if thats all it will ever amount to.. atleast its something to wake up to, to go to sleep to.. to live life to.. =/ till next time.. songofthemoment ingrid michaelson - december baby (heh just started listenin to it when i started this entry and its growin, but the artist is relaxing)

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