I'm gonna start to sound like a broken record and, trust me, I'm starting to get annoyed with myself about it too. But she was right, writing things down is a great release and helps you take a step or two back to take a deeper look into the situation before taking it out on someone else. Hopefully it will make you look at things in a different light.
Rolling back the past few months to before it all began, I was okay with everything in my life. Happy? Maybe not, but content. I had finally found a comfort zone at my job as an aircraft mechanic. Questions became less frequent and tasks that were challenging became routine. My financial situation stabilized and I was able to budget and start saving large amounts of money towards a decent vehicle. Hockey was in full swing, not only in the NHL but after 2 months of rust (having not played in 8 years), I found my feet and started racking up the point totals. Everything was set and I was content with it...not happy though.
Then I met her...online. I'll admit, this was not how I planned to meet anyone. Long, cold winter nights can make you do strange things. I'd been on chat rooms and such but mostly for entertainment and to laugh at people who were miles apart either threatening to punch each other in the face or profess their love to one another. People who never met and probably never will. It was so stupid, but entertaining. This was not how I'd ever meet anyone significant. But it happened. Not in a chat room, but I was dumb/desperate/lonely enough to sign up to a matchmaking site. It was a site some dude at work, who I thought was the biggest idiot ever, told me about. I guess I was the idiot.
So I started it up. Made up my profile, put up two or three pictures, did these stupid questions they gave you to help you find your match, did some slightly entertaining tests about yourself and such. As I navigated through the site, oddly drawn in to it, I found her journal entry. At the time it didn't seem so significant. She was going through some tough times and wrote how she felt about it, a lot like what most of you do. Her words were so meaningful, sincere and engaging. She was online as I read this and others she wrote and PM'ed her a simple "you're writing is amazing, sorry how things are going for you, hope they turn around for you soon." I left it at that thinking she wouldn't answer thinking I was a creeper and such. But no, she answered and things went on from there.
I wouldn't have called it an instant connection, since both of us were a little wary of the online meeting situation. Not to mention just over a thousand miles away. But over time, short IM sessions became conversations hours on end on the phone. Our tastes in music mirrored each others. We shared many more interests and values, as well as how we saw the world. And with every conversation, I could tell she was getting happier. Within a month we were unofficially dating, another month later it was. We still haven't met face to face cause of work and her school but I've been saving up vacation hours to do just that and soon we finally will be together.
One problem...after being together for almost 6 months without seeing each other, doubts have crossed my mind. Conversations have become stale and less frequent. The flare has gone. I was getting discouraged and depressed...was I losing her? I told her about this yesterday and it made her cry, I hate myself for that. But after reassuring her that it was just a concern and nothing more, she sniffed, took a deep breath and told me she loved me and if we've managed the distance together for this long, surely we can manage just a little while longer before I get to visit her. I wasn't losing her, even if our conversations haven't been as passionate as the first few months, she just enjoyed to hear from me and it still brightened her day.
The relationship evolved to something mature and unconditional. I see that now. She is just simply amazing and I can't wait to see her. I'm lucky to be with her and now I can say... I'm happy too.
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"These Are The Nights" - Making April
Reflection
- June 02, 2009
- Migs88
- 1 Comment
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