so
latley
i havent writtten much
um, im depressed, more so than usual, im happy for a minute, then th slightest thing will bring medown
th smallest tiniest fucking thing
its doesnt go away
iv been cutting so much
i love it and hate it at the same time
i want so many more cuts
but i cant, nt in the places i want, not on my arms that wont work, too hard to hide
pple they try n help me
but its hard
i cant accept anything
they say that im this beautufil good person bla blah blah
but i really dont think that i am
and wen they tell me that
i feel like theres so muc pressure put on me 2 b that person
i just cant
finally,
parents are away this weekend, im satying at grandaparents,working, seeing dot, stayyin at rans
its good to get away
cept for the tonne of schoolwork dragging along behind :S
its horribel so much work
its so hard
i want to leave
i rekonn in the holidays
im gonna jump on a train
to melborne
mayb with sally
get away from it
finally start livinn
and fucking luke
rackked his sunnis th other day
kinda by accident
but i didnt wanna give em back
so he started again
more than usual,
"il get ya sum if ya send me a pic of u in th sunnis, sunnis n nuthin else'
'i remembered something, another kiss, at the junior school, on the playground?'
'maybs wen ya give th sunnis back we could go out the back oxfam, hook up?'
'you know you want me, deep down, and im here waiting for that day'
FUCK
hes horrible him and his fucking way with words
but how does he not understand that he disgusts me, hes dissalusioned
i dotn want him at all
that broken record he sings
i delet all th texts from him
mayb i shld keep em,
get a restraining order
i dotn want him near me
when he starts like that
it just makes me feel horrible
today b4 piano he said summat
and i felt so horrible
i almost had a breakdown in ma leson
tho sumhow i pulled myself together, n played the best i had for agggess
thats good i sposee
but
fuck
i dont want this life at all
cuttting in class, not sleeping
feelin so terribel so much
fuck it
the bonesman
- May 29, 2009
- ilovehoratio
- No Comments
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