• How proud do I feel of myself tonight? Here I have been, for the past several months, ranting and raving about how being so far away gives me so very little opportinuties to show just how much she means to me. I can't simply kiss her when I feel greatful she's with me. I can't hug her when her troubles start becoming too much of a burden. Well tonight, after waiting hours for her call, I start to feel angry and irrate. So when she finally does call, I feel bitter. I feel bitter because of things that happend that day. Bitter because she made me wait. Bitter cause I'm getting tired and just want to go to bed now. But when she does call, she's obviously upset about something. Something happened today that made her usually pleasant greating turn to a suppressed cry of frustration. I ask her if everything's okay and she simply replies that she doesn't want to talk about it. Fair enough. But rather than just being there for her by talking about anything to get her mind off it, I simply tell her that I'm tired and gonna call it a night. Without even thinking. After all this time of complaining about how I can't show how much she means to me, tonight happens and I play the stuck-up jackass of a boyfriend. At no time did I push aside the fatigue and bitterness to selflessly just be there like I always told her I would be. I don't even any right to be bitter, after all I wasn't there to talk to her after work like I always do. I was out playing street hockey while she probably waited for me and all I left was a lame message on her IM before leaving. Feeling bitter for her not calling a few hours earlier after doing the very same thing to her...I hate myself right now. I love her. I'd do anything I could for her. I wish I could just jump on the next plane to finally be with her...forever. But words like these are hollow tonight. I can't believe how much she's putting up with just to be with me, I don't deserve someone like that, but at the same time, I really am truly greatful. She's my world, even though we are miles apart. I don't even want to start imagining life without her again. I hope she forgives me not only for turning my back on her, but for even having those negative thoughts towards her, even though there was no excuse for having them. She's still not answering...I'm so sorry. ____________________________________________________________________ Waiting for your call, I'm sick call, I'm angry call, I'm desperate for your voice... - Secondhand Serenade: Your Call

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