• so i guess i dont really know why i'm posting in this journal. i have a couple other seperate ones that i write in quite often, but i guess i'm starting to get tired of them. i'm tired of having to censor what i say because i know certain people will read it. so i guess with this one, since i haven't told anyone about it, i might actually, for once, be able to write what i'm truly feeling. let's give this a try... larry randomly showed up at my work place last night to surprise me with a visit. how did i feel about that? completely happy. why? i don't even know. he has this overwhelming power that controls every move i make. i guess maybe because for 9 months of my life he was my life. everything i did was to make him happy. everything i said was to make him smile or laugh. i selflessly gave everything i possibly could to him, and he just wasn't picking up what i was putting down. although, for reasons unknown, we had this magical attraction to each other that wouldn't allow us to be separated for more than a day at a time. i found a comfort in being with him that i could not find in anyone else, and have not felt in anyone else since. at one point i felt like i had lost everything, that everything i had ever believed in was a lie and that everything that i had ever cared about was fake. and at my lowest point, larry was the only one who was able to help me get back up on my feet again, to help me breathe again, to make me see that there was something more to live for. and i guess for that i will be forever greatful to him. larry and i have always shared something special and although we could never put a proper title on it, we still knew exactly what we meant to each other. and i've come to realize that the name you place on a relationship isn't what defines it, it's the actions and the emotions and the feelings that you show that truly define it. and still to this day, even though larry is with chelsey and i am stuck between relationships (another story for another day), i can still feel those butterflies in my stomach when we embrace and i can still feel my heart begin to race when he is near me. and i guess that after all this time and after everything we've been through, and because my feelings are as strong as ever, that it means that whatever it is that we have, it's something that is going to last...

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