• im so angry at ryan hes really doing my head in. i do hate him and i really do wish he was dead and im not that sort of person and i wouldnt wish that upon anyone but hes actully drove me to thinking like that its come to the point that im shutting out of my life completly i dont want him to talk to me work with me i dont want him to even breath by me this is how far its gone considering we did have a relationship but i supose after everything it just went down hill anyway i feel like im some evil horrible person who deserves to die themselves for wishing that hes was dead well i guess i am ...arent i i must be a terrible person.
  
  
  But in a way me being aan athiest does it matter.. i mean im open to the consept of there being a god but not entierly convinced of it i mean when i did belive in him bad things always seemed to have happned and i didnt just belive in him because i wanted stuff off him i just wanted him to let the people who do good and are good to have a life that is good instead of having to struggle so much and seeing as in as i grew up i never really had those thoughts that god was watching over me/us all i supose the concept of him existing just left me.everyone must think im terrible i mean im going to hell arent i. dont get me wrong iv never done anything seriously wrong but i havent exactly been perfect i supose that if i dont belive does it really matter ..well i wouldnt say that i dont belive but this is to much over my maturity level that i can handle i mean im 15 this year im still a child when you think about it yano ill be ready for that when i dont know say 18 for me to actully fully understand god i guess well i know what i mean in my head but when i write it it all comes out really wrong anyway ive done WAYYY to much talking im going to listen to some versailles and think i guess

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