• What is it about my boyfriend having a close female friend that bothers me? I guess it isn't that in particular that annoys me - it's more the girl herself. Maybe I'm biased because I'm slightly possessive and like to have him all to myself - but it just seems like she isn't a nice person. Even her friends say she's selfish. She can't talk to him like she talks to any other of her friends: she has to have him all to herself. For example today - instead of just talking to him about something where they are, like everyone else does, they always have to go for a 'walk' by themselves to talk about it. Of course I don't ask what it is they talk about, because I already know it's mainly her wanting to whine about whatever guy she's 'into' at that particular moment in time. But why do they need to be so secretive? They insist they see each other more as 'brother and sister' than 'boy and girl', but it really doesn't seem like that. At Tom's house a few months ago, I disappeared to the park next door for some breathing space, and there was a part of me that hoped Xavi would turn up at some point. After an hour, I was slightly disapointed he hadn't come to find me but not bothered - until I walked back into the summerhouse to see him sitting in a chair with Amelia draped across his lap. I know they weren't doing anything - God no - but doesn't that just seem...wrong? And later that night, I got all ill from the excessive vodka and Xavi was looking after me. I was nearly unconscious, but I distinctly remember through the haze, Amelia coming upstairs and whining, "Xavi, can we go for a walk?". How fucking self-involved is she? I was leaning out of a window half naked with tears streaming down my face, he was the only person with me and she had the nerve to try and whisk him away so she could whinge about the last idiot she'd fucked. I know this all sounds so petty, but it just happens every time she comes to any social thing. I lose him for an hour, ask someone if they've seen him and the answer 99% of the time is, "He went for a walk with Amelia." And no, you can't sit there and judge me and think 'what a paranoid idiot'. He CHEATED ON ME. With another girl that he has a history with. I have reasons to care about these things. This is possibly the shoddiest entry I've ever written. I know the sentences don't make much sens and don't fit together properley, but I don't care. I'm fucking irritated with that girl and, because I'm such a bloody tolerant person, this is the only place I can dare to vent my anger. AAARGH.

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