• its like my heart is rotting in my chest. cant take much more. cant even think of things to say anymore. cant take much more. never could take a lot. silent martyr for only so long. sometimes the pains screaming from my lungs streaming from my eyes and i cant stop it. wish people would just leave me alone to die. silent and alone thats how i like it. curled up to let my insides rot out. sad music for a sad soul. so sick and tired of being sick and tired. so lonely and willing to be alone. want what i cant have it always seems to be this way. wonder if they like to see me suffer. wonder if they get a kick outta it. sure seems that way. purging my thoughts. all out on the table. face up. wish everyone could be like this all the time life would be better maybe a little harder but sure as hell a lot better. and my tears seem to be a faucet thats always on. wish my feelings could be turned off with a switch. i wouldnt mind not feeling anything. numbness would be heaven compared to these feelings. if things could be right again id like that. but they never will be never can be cause everythings changed and theres never any going back. kinda wanna be in a car crash. kinda wanna be in a coma. kinda wanna know who ends up coming to see me when im almost dead. kinda wanna know who actually cares. kinda too scarred to see that no one would come or the wrong people would come. dont understand why i have to feel this. dont understand what made me deserve this. pretty sure i dont. pretty sure ive never done anything that deserves such pain in return. made a few mistakes have a few regrets but who doesnt its life no one can get out unscathed completely clean its impossible. we all make the mistakes have the regrets feel the pain but really this amount of pain seems unnecessary. i wish people understood other people. i wish they knew what they did. i wish they got that this hurts. cant take much more cause its like my heart is rotting in the chest.

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