• Pretty good night I'm glad I got out it's finally starting to get nice in CT I actually got to hang out with chris It's been a while since the last time we hooked up I guess he got bored with his life or his hand or whatever But he randomly decided he wants me again and honestly, even though I know it's way not fair to myself That i deserve much better than a guy who's always playing hot and cold I have no real reason to say no It's not like i have anyone else to fool around with Not like I don't want him just as bad as before I have realized that "chemistry" is just a matter of hormones If you get lonely enough, anyone can become the best thing that ever happened We went back to his house alone after the "Parents who care too much about their children's gymnastics careers and don't invite anyone else to their exclusive events" (except for me when I'm with chris) club cookout He wanted to have sex (of course) but i wouldn't let him I told him it was becacuse i didn't want him to stop talking to me again, since that's what always happens after Just like with matt, i know the dance instead of being accused and appologizing profusely, I just put out and then let him walk away different routine but i worked out these steps I think i've got it all under control from here The thing about chris, though, is i'm atleast completely myself around him I don;t play those bullshit "now this is what you're supposed to do..." games I tell him straight up that i really like him and i'm well aware it's not reciprocated I tell him when I start to think crazy things and i get scared my rationale doesn't make sense He doesn't judge me, which is something i really respect I give alot of credit to people who can just sit back and listen He kind of asked me to my own prom which is weird I already told colin i'd go with him but i really would love to bring chris My parents are totally against the whole idea, even though I'm not quite sure why I think it's because they wish i'd pick guys who treat me better Too bad I'm not doing a whole lot of picking these days I kind of just take what i can get Oh well, atleast I've got it for now Let's see how long i can hold on this ride

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