• wow it's been such a long time since i've written I feel like i should appologize, but i don't really know who to To all the nonexistent adoring fans who constantly read my journal? To my friends for not publishing our exciting adventures? To me, for skipping out on something that's important because it actually takes effort? Eh it doesn't really matter I guess Even as i write these words, I can;t get myself to feel all that sorry Anywho, this week is art school vacation so i only have three hour school days translation: hours and hours of fillable time Today I went over to starbucks after school with my friend Robin I drove her illegally, which was exciting I'm so weird sometimes I have no idea why breaking laws that don;t even deserve to be laws in the first place gets me so hyped up It's probably just the idea of getting away with something even if it is pretty dumb My parents would still have a cow if they knew I almost got the car taken away because i forgot to text to say i hadn't died on my way to school Like really? Isn't no news the same thing as good news? I had to cry and beg for like half an hour to get it back i think it was more that my dad didn't really want to drive me than him actually giving in whatever, works for me i got to go on my little adventure he got to stay home plastering a wall I wrote TEXT on my hand really big in permanent marker so i won't forget anymore I think someday I'm going to get that tattoed permanantly just so I can have a good laugh Really, i'm not even kidding That would be so great to have a garenteed smile atleast once a day I've realized that I'm fairly unhappy with the way i look it's not that i'm fat or ugly or anything awful it's just that the way I dress, the way i wear my hair I really kind of look the same as everybody else I have already accepted that i will never be beautiful my noise is too big, my legs are too short It's just not anything that can be fixed I believe I am pretty, but that's nothing special Alot of girls are pretty that's why i fit in so perfectly well I used to think this was a good thing because it is a safe thing There is a strength in those kind of numbers No one will reject you, turn you away, if you become the vast majority But I think now, at this point in my life, i'm ready to be made fun of Sitting in the room, swallowing the words, it just gets so terribly boring I don't want to become another cliche i like bright colors and hair dye, sarcasm and poetry I don't want to wear the abercrombie button downs, i don't want to play nice For the first time in my life I actually know who the real me is and even though I know I'll be broken down, I think those are ramifications worth taking

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