• This is how I'm going to do things from now on, simple movements, whenever I get down I look at the words you wrote to me, and that will pull me out. Two days later and it's still working, I'm not bulletproof, as much as I'd like to think, I'm fragile and broken, damaged to a fault. 20 years and only a handful of compliments, and that's the only time I've felt like it was said by someone who meant it to me. It broke me down (in a good way), I'm still on a crash and burn way of living. But I have people who give a damn about me now, someone I could count on if I fall in the fire. I always thought I was better off alone, I always wanted that, I still do, people not only make you sad/angry but they can make you happy (yes it's the reverse of the expression), I've been torn down so many times now, so many times I forgotten how many now. But only once to my recollection have I been pulled up and dusted off. I still laugh at the nice line, but I suppose I am, to a fault, I am the purest form of nice, I don't fake it for something I don't realise I am anyway. But the expression "nice guys finish last" flashes in my head... BASTARDS... They are right every god-damn time, I have a heart that is so locked up I want nobody in... The only place I'm safe. Unless I'm with you... It all comes bleeding through then, when I'm with you... How many more times can I ignore it? I Love you...

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